Twenty-Four

6 days ago I turned 24. And if you check my last post was about surviving 23.

I'm not even 10 days into 24 and nothing seems to be going according to plan - I mean literally everything is falling apart, then I reminded myself to BREATHE, it's hard but I have to breathe. I have to keep myself together, I cannot fall apart, my chin has got to always be up because I have a crown on my head that cannot fall, I have to smile through it all because many of my people wouldn't know how to receive me weak. Vulnerability has never been my love language from myself to the public.

Anxiety is dealing heavily with me, my faith is being tested, I'm shaken - Listen I have no idea what's going to happen in the next 3 months from today, normally I would know because I would have everything under control with a full understanding of what's going on, I'd even have contingency plans in place but I'm at a point where indeed "se segolo ke Bophelo" (I am solely thankful for life).

Twenty-four : How I thought you come with Elevation more than anything else, but you've just triggered my anxiety, I'm counting my steps! I was just learning how to take deep breaths "In through the nose, and out through the mouth" but now I cannot even catch a breath because I'm constantly trying to make everything work together for my good and its not looking great.

I just said a prayer, it wasn't to blame God or to question his existence in my life! I've seen his goodness just that growing up has suddenly started to really feel like a trap, helplessness, knowing that I'm not ok but "can't find the source of the bleeding and if I don't this human will die like she never even lived" (I'm a Grey's Anatomy fan that's the best way I can explain what I'm feeling right now - I am not suicidal relax! 🙄)

Twenty-four : You feel like therapy really, I feel concerned and challenged to face my biggest fear - Self, point out all the great and shortcomings but even more forgive myself for not having everything figured out.

Note to self: It's really OK to not have everything figured out, and that is not a sign of weakness believe me, you're breathing - Alot of other people couldn't even take one more breath because everything was just too much, as this point in your life.

Remember that you've fallen before and never stayed down believe me when I say you're not about to do that now, you're a Phoenix that's about to rise from the ashes, you were set apart for a reason, faith is nothing without effort and a little bit of work to meet it along the way.

Cry, scream and do whatever you need to do but you will not stand down you will fight this trying time and you will be ok, one way or the other! You said your verse of the year is Isaiah 66:9 let it Manifest!

#20Plenty