Surviving 23

The plan was to make this one of the longest inserts but really I realised that I wouldn't stop typing if really wanted to talk about surviving 23 - I have won many battles, lost twice as many... But hey I survived.

As I'm typing this, I feel this huge lump in my throat, thinking all the nights I had to cry or drug myself with cough medicine just to sleep, I'm thinking about some nights where I didn't sleep at all but had to hold my chin up the next morning because I couldn't let my crown fall or risk looking like my problems.

For the first time after I told my family about my sexual abuse - I had a breakdown, it started with just mini flashbacks- The first one was triggered by a colleague in the lift ( Remind me to share the story) but I went back to that deep dark hole that I never wanted to go back to - I survived

Went to therapy for the first time and that process was "D" for DIFFICULT, here's the thing about therapist their job is to ask the right questions that forces you to confront yourself, to help get to a place where you know and understand what is the problem, where and why did everything turn so sour - I survived

I was depressed due to work and academic pressure, for the first time in my academic life I had a Re-exam trust me I became numb when I found out, didn't even know how to deal with it, but I knew that I wasn't prepared for that examination, I got a second chance to prove myself and I passed but that wasn't an easy journey, I passed all my modules and have progressed to my 3rd and final year of my second qualification - I survived

I have entered for a beauty pagent because I wanted access to get a truck load of my plans up and running, guess what I lost! Judges didn't care about my life 😂 for some reason I took that loss like a champion, I also think it's because I gave that pageant my everything so not for once have I felt like I've come short - One month later I was crowned Miss Plus Size Amandasig 2019 where I didn't even have to do much to take my rightful place at the throne as Queen.

I'm not sure if I will do more pagents we will hear what the Lord says - I survived

Grown as an artist, performed for Ministers at a gig that I once lost an opportunity to do due to "operational requirements" - But because Isaiah 60:22 has always been the kind of assurance I needed I was OK. Had an opportunity to perform for Kgosi Mampuru female prisoners - I'm talking arsonists, murderers, robbers and you're not going to believe what was my poetry selection" Black Child" and "Depression is Female". I know right! 😩Trust me when I say that I only found out they were prisoners after I finished performing, which explained why I had bouncers around all the time. - I survived

I've gained and lost friends, gigs, opportunities, chances to shine. 23 was just alot! But guess what?

I SURVIVED!

Love

The 23 year old